My Struggles are my Flowers

This past year is the beginning of a story I am writing. A story of becoming. A story of voice. A story of underworld, a story of dancing with possibility and attachment, a story of standing in time, a story of weaving.

I am closing out a huge chapter of this year which included many life changes, life challenges, and diligent spiritual studies. I separated and isolated and tried to learn to listen. In a lot of ways - I put myself through a sort of metaphysical bootcamp to unearth what I really am, what I knew I could be.

Not all days are inspiring, not all days are easy. Transformative experiences don’t happen like that. Yet, there has been something calling. Something moving me towards. A motivation to experience a interconnectivity. To experience a dream of self, and of the world, as they relate to one another. The collective dream.

I found this page in a notebook and there was a line there that winded me…

WE DO NOT GET TO CHOOSE THE EXACT TERMS OF OUR TRANSFORMATION

Otherwise, it is not a story.

“The allies arrive when we do not know what we need - those moments of collapse and completely letting go. Then appears the [archetypal] rhizomatic community that supports us vs. reconstitutes us”

What greater sense of connectivity than to locate oneself in the sphere of resiliency, connected to both our past and our future selves - to find we take shape in the darkness. The birth of the doula. To not know what one is doing, who one will be on the other side - and to go anyway.

My areas of greatest challenge have been: being in embodiment, feeling my feelings, taking up space, voicing my needs, learning to trust, being compassionate with myself, recognizing and dealing with addiction and attachment. In resting and receiving instead of struggling and pushing. In other words - DISCOVERING PERSONAL POWER.

I want to express my delicious, incredible, resilient, loving, creative body. I want to be manic and flail and be human and alive in the world every day, I want to love, to feel, to experience, to grow, to create what I believe in. I want to grow and change and thrive BE SEEN doing it. And yet, being perceived feels like walking on glass. I contain multitudes; I lean into the mysteries, I am born each new day and each new breath. I not only dance with the underworld guides.

I am one.

Because these are also areas where I can be of help to others. Our challenges are our blind spots - but they are also our blessings. In their trail is the most fertile ground for growth. The places where we have sunk down completely into the soil, submerged. Where we have breathed from underneath it. These are places of richness, of expansion. They are part of us and a part of our story.

Our challenges are like seeds waiting to burst into bloom. Waiting for the moments of surrender and transformation. Waiting to be nourished by our failures, our experiences of ourself; heroic and disenfranchised. Because all paths are needed. We are not separate from the way we are making for ourselves. We must become it. We must continually tend to the flowers — discovering the vibrant hues of resilience, patience, and understanding, becoming.

Something wants to come alive through each of us. This is why I write about archetypes and character creation. They are the allies. They create the mycelial web onto which we can descend. The soil into which we can surrender. The threads with which we will weave.

I have made this my personal practice, my area of dedication. I am a Doula of Transformation. A Personal Power Priestess. I use many modalities to teach this. I use astrology and archetype. Psycho-spiritual depth work, somatics and symbolism. I speak the langauge of dream and desire. I study energetics, philosophies of engagement with energetic realms. I talk about world-building and character creation because I believe that this is how we learn to play in those realms. I have this to share with you because this is where I am transforming, this is where I have failed and keep returning.

And my struggles are my gifts; my seeds; my flowers.

Are you ready to discover your flowers? Enter into a coaching portal with me and discover your blessed gifts.